let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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