Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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