I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize