she woke up with a sticky ear
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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