Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize