My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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