wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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