It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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