he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize