I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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