Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize