I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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