i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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