I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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