I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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