He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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