I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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