It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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