I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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