I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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