I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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