apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize