I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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