he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I understand Curling. That high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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