uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
