i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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