He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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