i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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