Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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