Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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