He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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