Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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