Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
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just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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