bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize