i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize