btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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