U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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