this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize