I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize