I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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