My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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