Please, let me fuck your mom
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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