we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
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I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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