I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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