Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize