rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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