oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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