Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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