Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize