I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize