There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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