I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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